So, I’m British, and I don’t get Black Friday. Ignoring any possible racial connotations, I just can’t figure it out. We don’t have any coloured days in England; the Friday after Thanksgiving is simply Friday (ignoring that we technically don’t have Thanksgiving in England). I have learned that it is a very important shopping day for American businesses, but after thinking about Black Friday for a bit, you probably can acknowledge the ridiculousness of it…and I’m NOT talking about the “ridiculous savings!” out there. I’m talking about the measures people go to just to get as many of these deals as possible. Surprisingly, it’s not the worldwide norm for people to camp outside a shop in below 0°C weather for a sale. I’m pretty sure if you did that almost anywhere outside of America you’d get directed to the closest homeless shelter or mental institute. Thankfully, such things can be avoided, and with help from Nerd DWang and Ginger James, I have compiled the go-to Black Friday Survival Guide.
Nerd Dwang, with great advice on how to handle the Black Friday crowds: Don’t be brawling. The dark streets of Minnetonka can do without the addition of crazed shoppers hungrily awaiting their next kill deal. Fueled by an intense desire for savings (craazy savings!) some shoppers can get a little violent, leaving carnage in their wake, pile-driving anyone in their way. Don’t be “that guy.” Instead, if you insist on braving the crowds, bring something sensible to work with, like a riot shield or a fire hose. That should do it. If the crowds begin to stampede toward that $5 toaster you so desperately crave… more riot shields! You might as well bring the whole SWAT team, just to be safe.
Ginger James, on how to best camp out for Black Friday: Remember, this is a national holiday, and we are given the day off to spend with family, not going all Bear Grills at the local Wal-Mart. To get the good deals, you don’t need to drink your own urine or eat raw squirrel, unless you really want to. In fact, you probably don’t even need to bother camping out at all. While you will want to double check with where you are planning on shopping, the sanctity of Thanksgiving has been so eroded that a lot of big name stores, like Target and Best Buy, are not making people wait until 4 or 5 am to shop, but opening their doors right at midnight on the 25th, and Wal-Mart is starting Black Friday early, opening at 10 pm on Thanksgiving. So, you are looking for advice on how to best camp out? Well, don’t. Save yourself the trouble and just go out before you go to sleep on Thanksgiving night.
Black Friday shopping is, as I see it, ridiculous. While I am a foreigner, my understanding of Thanksgiving is that it is supposed to be spent with the family sharing thanks, not preparing for an all-out shopping war. However, as a shopper, I do see how some of the deals can be too good to pass up, but please, do not let Black Friday take away from your holiday, and do not let the shopping get out of hand. This Thanksgiving, keep it family first and shopping second, and let these tips guide you; the raw squirrels and urine just aren’t worth it.
