One would think that a product as cheap and available as Kleenex would be as bountiful as kind words here at Minnetonka. Yet, as one of the many (many) sick students goes up to the teacher’s desk, snot barely held at bay, they’ll more than likely walk back empty handed, annoyed and sniffling. In this long winter, riddled with various illnesses — including over three kinds of common cold, all kinds of the flu and COVID-19 itself — MHS has been missing one crucial resource: tissues.

But why?

Well, apparently, the school doesn’t have space in its budget (or maybe the care) to supply Kleenex to its students. It makes one wonder where the property taxes from the Shorewood lake houses are going, if not Kleenex. Also, who even supplies the limited Kleenex available? 

According to social studies teacher Heather Eyrich, “we have a [department] budget and the Kleenex is purchased out of that.” That budget also goes to supplies that teachers need for their desks, offices and classrooms. It’s no wonder that there is not a single box of Kleenex to be found beyond the first week of December.

This dire lack of tissues has caused students and teachers to jump through hoops to get a hold of this basic amenity. Some teachers have turned to buying Kleenex with their own money. If you happen to be at Costco next September, you might run into English teacher Jordan Cushing. “When they have them on sale in September,” she said, “I bring a lot of boxes to school.” 

Other departments have sought out more creative solutions to the Kleenex crisis. French teacher Beth Alto described how “the world language teachers host a drive [for tissues] in the fall.” Then, the class that brought the most Kleenex gets a box of donuts as a prize. “I [wouldn’t] have any kleenex unless our students provide them,” Alto said. Who knew Kleenex could cause such a headache for MHS? The bathrooms are just as full of sad, sick souls who couldn’t find a kleenex as there are vape-fiends, and teacher’s are turning to spending their own money just to help their students blow their noses. It really is Kleenex-gate isn’t it?