I am willing to bet that every Minnetonka student has, at one time or another, gotten guff from his or her non-Skipper acquaintances just for being a Skipper.  Don’t tell me your Eagle or Hornet or Trojan frenemies haven’t poked fun at our wimpy image.  And with good reason!  Guys, those other mascots could eat us whole.  Even Minnehaha Academy—with God on their side!—boasts the beefy Redhawks, and that bird looks dang scary.

With a name like ours, rival teams don’t even have to think to come up with creative jeers—they need only chant a genuine question: “What’s a skipper?” (clap, clap, clap-clap-clap).

Just to be clear:  There’s a difference between our physical mascot—the person dancing around on the field—and the idea of our being called The Skippers.  Michael Korn has redefined the Minnetonka mascot in his years here, and I don’t see how any subsequent Minnetonka students could ever live up to his legacy.  With Michael Korn’s exit from MHS should go the Skipper mascot itself.

Why would we want a skipper as our mascot?  What desirable qualities does a skipper have?  Both good questions to which Gilligan’s Island has failed to provide us answers.  Frankly (especially after the Costa Concordia fiasco), I’m not sure why anyone would want their teams represented by the captain of a ship.  Maybe we’re going for the brutal “every-man-for-himself” mentality, but last I heard there was no “I” in “team.”

“But the Skipper reflects the lake life!” you might argue, and of you I ask this question:  When was the last time you saw a legitimate sailor cruising through the bays?  You want to know what really represents The Lake?  A North American Muskellunge.

I kid you not.  All of you angling afishionados already know that muskellunges (or muskies, as they are better known) are super-strong trophy fish.  It’s an accomplishment to reel in a muskie—they’re so hard to catch!  What better quality could you possibly desire in a mascot?  (Plus, how good does that name sound?  It rolls off the tongue: Minnetonka Muskies.)

I have to applaud MHS’s school spirit—I’m told that Minnetonka’s pride is among the most flamboyant in the galaxy.  Although our name might not strike fear in the hearts of our opponents, our enthusiasm and sportsmanship are already forces to be reckoned with.  All we need to do now is buff up our mascot a little and we’re good to go.