Entirely satirical observations of your less-than-amazing qualities based off of your top “Spotify Wrapped” artists.
Taylor Swift: You Swifties hold yourself to extremely high standards; maybe that’s why you spend your entire life savings for a single ticket to one of her concerts. You may be a wee bit emotional, but to others, you are viewed as almost too positive. Don’t be fooled, though; if someone calls you basic, you could easily whack them with the Stanley water bottle we all know you own.
The Weeknd: If you are one of The Weeknd’s super fans, you are most likely also a fan of social media, spending most of your time scrolling through the internet in your bedroom filled with LED lights and AXE body spray. You probably became a fan of his from watching TikTok edits of fancy sports cars with “Blinding Lights” playing in the background.
Billie Eilish: You know that older, angsty, eyeliner-wearing teenage sister from every 2000’s movie ever made? Well, Billie Eilish fans, that older sister is the grungy depiction of you. Your music taste has helped you to create your outwardly low-key personality as you tuck the rest of yourself away beneath your Hit Me Hard And Soft hoodie.
Travis Scott: Now, Travis fans come in many different packages; there are the casual fans, who could be anyone, and then there are the short Nike Tech-wearing teenage boys. If this is you, chances are that you are also in need of a haircut and a reality check (you are not as cool as you think you are, no matter what your mom tells you).
Olivia Rodrigo: Olivia Rodrigo lovers take great pride in knowing every one of her songs by memory. You former VSCO girls thrived in the years of quarantine so long as you were accompanied by Olivia’s SOUR album. The pandemic’s peace and quiet was just “Enough for You,” even though it was “Brutal” at times, it ended up being “Good 4 u.”
Kanye West: No one, and I mean no one, can match the unearned confidence of you Kanye West fans. Whether it’s wearing shorts in the middle of winter, gaslighting yourself into thinking Kanye isn’t a bad person, or drinking three Celsius a day, you do it with the conviction of a champ.
